When I found silence

The noisy world in which many of us live today doesn’t easily allow room for silence.  On the outside, the pounding sounds of the city; babbling people in public spaces; even the sounds of nature can be disruptive, and on the inside, the chatter and busyness of our thinking minds.  And then there is the noise of our digital lives, invading both our inner and outer worlds.

Contemplative practices like meditation and mindfulness practices can provide an opportunity for both inner and outer silence.  One way of delving into complete silence whilst practicing your preferred contemplative practice is to take part in a silent retreat for a few days.

Retreating into silence, whilst in the company of others, is a particularly good way of deepening a meditation, or other contemplative  practice, as it gets you away from usual distractions as well as a much needed digital detox. Silent retreats may even help with some self-discovery depending on how long you attend.

Silence is not just something you engage in, it is a quality of mind, a way of being present in and with the world around you.  Through an intensive (multi-day) silent practice you learn to be with yourself and all that is around you in an observant, non-judging and mindful way.  You learn to be in complete awareness of yourself and your surroundings.

Dipabhāvan Meditation Center

I recently attended a three day silent retreat in Thailand at Dipabhāvan Meditation Center.  The retreat was a succession of mindfulness trainings, breathing practices, deep awareness of the body and environment, meditations on feelings and emotions, and awareness of the mind. Our days consisted of sitting meditation, walking meditation, mindful movement (yoga), mindful eating, working meditation (doing small chores throughout the retreat for a short time each day), and two daily dharma talks where we were reminded about the principles of mindfulness meditation and the central practices of Buddhism. These concentrated practices are like immersing yourself in a subject for a few days, without distraction and with committed intent.

Reading, writing and all forms of technology were not permitted at Dipabhavan and it is even suggested that you hand in your watch for safe keeping.

As difficult as it was to unplug and hand over phones, watches and all forms of technology for safe keeping, and to make a personal commitment not to write or read, it was actually very welcome.  Bells were our time keepers from 4.30am until 9.00pm and would lead us to each activity.  After the first day I was no longer wanting to know the time, except perhaps when I was longing to move from a sitting practice to a standing or walking practice because my bones and muscles were hurting. This is when every minute seemed like 10, and another reason it’s best not to know the time.

Despite our silence (no one spoke for the duration except the retreat leader and dharma teacher), there was no silence in our surroundings.  For the time I was there the skies over Koh Samui opened up offering a torrent of rain the likes of which I have never witnessed before – and I have seen some rain in my 22 years in Asia.  The noise of this rain and the noise of the cicada’s and the birds between the down pours could have been a distraction, it could have been irritating, but in fact it was peaceful, tranquil and bought a coolness to the time spent in the meditation hall.

If the sky cleared for the walking meditation, many of us would take advantage and walk barefoot on the grass, revitalized by the smell of the tropical rains and freshness of the cool, wet grass beneath our feet.

This time in silence with mindful awareness opened all of my senses, I could see with clarity and brightness; I could taste all the elements of the delicious Thai food prepared for us; I could smell the fragrances and freshness of the jungle all around us; I could hear clearly and did not at all notice the tinnitus ringing in my ears, as if it was gone.

Leave the expectations of comfort at home

But a first silent retreat isn’t the bed of roses I’ve made it out to be thus far.  In fact the bed is certainly the reason for all the aches and pains.  Retreats in Asia, especially if payment is on a voluntary donation basis, are rudimentary at best and decidedly uncomfortable at worst (those offering the luxury of a mattress and pillow are likely to charge a fee).  I had the good fortune of being warned to take an inflatable camping mattress and had the sense to throw a makeshift pillow into my luggage.  But even with these two additional items of comfort, every muscle in my neck and shoulders ached, my hips, hip joints, and knees ached like never before and my toes seemed to constantly tingle with pins and needles.  I don’t think there was a period of more than 10 minutes that I didn’t need to move….why or why was this happening when I know I can easily sit at home for up to 45 minutes without this sort of pain.  So the blame shall lay squarely at the feet of the basic makeshift beds they have in the dormitory (above).

I don’t have a photo (of the bed) to share because despite this discomfort, I would encourage anyone and everyone seeking the serenity of a silent retreat to visit Dipabhavan.  It is a beautiful location where the monks, nuns and all the volunteers give their precious time and loving kindness to make you feel and be welcome in your silence.  They provide a valuable and memorable experience that will have you wanting more of this silence and mindfulness.

Here are my humble tips to help you gain some comfort if you are embarking on your first single day or multi-day retreat:

1. Set aside any expectations of what you want to achieve and just be….
2. Take some time after a retreat to gently come back to the real world you live in…it can be jarring if you throw yourself straight into work or socializing.
3. Essentials to pack for retreats in Asia: sunblock, bug spray, tissues/toilet paper, slip on shoes / thongs, a good muscle relaxing massage oil, shawl/sarong
4. Bring your own herbal tea if you have favorites. At a donation only retreat tea and coffee are addon’s that are likely not available in many options.
5. Enjoy the silence – it is truly special

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