Jun
24
What is it to have a meaningful life?
Big question? Actually, the study of what it means to have a meaningful life has been tackled for many years, probably even before the introduction of positive psychology. But thanks to the founders of this field, Martin Seligman, Chris Peterson, Barbara Frederickson and many, many others, we’ve seen the emergence of the exploration of human potential and human flourishing. Positive psychologists believe in the principle of human good and that the cultivation of positive emotions and behaviors is as important and authentic as disease, disorder and distress. They overwhelmingly choose the wellness paradigm.
But positive psychology is not just about positive thinking! Research and practice has found time and time again that having a meaningful life is what makes us most happy and what makes us flourish.
The cultivation of gratitude, kindness and compassion are qualities that can contribute to having a meaningful life. So how can we foster more of these qualities in our own lives? Today I will share some research into gratitude and kindness that reveals some helpful strategies.
Image courtesy of Cici Bianca
Gratitude in Relationships
Gratitude is a powerful behavior we can use in our toolbox of wellness. Sonja Lyubomirsky in her book The How of Happiness describes the expression of gratitude as “a kind of meta-strategy for achieving happiness… an antidote to negative emotions, a neutralizer of envy, avarice, hostility, worry and irritation”.
In 2012 a new model of sustaining good relationships with a partner or spouse was considered by researchers. They suggest that being appreciated by our partner gives us a sense of security so that when times are difficult, we can focus on what we appreciate about them therefore making us more responsive to our partners’ needs, which in turn has the same effect on the partner in that they feel more appreciated, and will give that same appreciation back. This upward spiral of gratitude allows us to face relationship challenges, tune into each other’s needs and work together towards resolutions, instead of conflict, and allows us to recognize that the relationship is worth maintaining.
Seems simple, but on reflection do you apply gratitude in your relationship this way?
The quality of our relationships may also be reflected in our capacity to heal. In 2005, researchers found that if couples were disagreeing the healing of physical wounds could take up to 40% longer to heal than if they were supportive of each other.
If during hard times you struggle to find things to be grateful in your partner, or in other relationships, at work or with others, a simple strategy to help you move your mind and emotions toward that upward spiral, is to keep a gratitude journal. This strategy allows a focus on the present moment, an appreciation of life as it is experienced today, and why this is worthy of recalling. Gratitude journaling has been found to change our set state to one of being grateful and compassionate and consequently happier.
At the end of the day, perhaps before bed, write down three things you are grateful for that occurred in your day. They can be as simple/mundane (the cup of tea your partner made for you in the morning) or as complex/magnificent (the beauty of the sunrise) as you like.
Kindness Counts in Children
Strategies which encourage gratitude in children and adolescence have similarly shown to boost wellbeing and happiness. But what about random acts of kindness, how can this support wellbeing and prosocial behavior (acts that benefit others)?
In 2012 researchers in Canada found that being kind increases popularity within a peer group, at least from the kid’s perspective, lending itself to prosocial behavior, higher academic achievement and less likelihood of bullying. The study required 415 preadolescent students to do one of two tasks weekly for 4 weeks. One group was asked to perform acts of kindness and the other group was asked to visit different places. The researchers found that the kindness group not only showed an increase in wellbeing but also popularity. They conclude that kids who are well-liked are less likely to bully and more likely to do nice things for others and in the classroom.
Teachers could consider including random acts of kindness as part of the curriculum to help build prosocial behavior.
Kindness starts even younger
Even younger children (under the age of 2) were found to be happier when they are giving to others than when they are receiving. Furthermore the results of this study appear to confirm that if a child is given a reward (external reinforcement) when performing an act of kindness this undermines the act and subsequent prosocial behavior. Although this may seem counterintuitive to some parents, it seems to confirm that if children are learning to be kind and giving, they need to feel that they are doing good because they want to, and not because others expect them to.
Building acts of kindness into your child’s day can help build these strong social connections and develop wellbeing at an early age. Simple acts such as saying hello and thank you to the bus driver, or another who does something for them, and sharing, are traits that parents will instill in their children without question. Other random acts of kindness may include; donating unused toys; playing music to the elderly; sending a hand painted or drawn picture to a grandparent or relative overseas; or starting a kindness club. Here are some more ideas on random acts of kindness for children and adults. In the words of Ethan in this short video “if you are kind to someone they’ll be kind to you back”
http://youtu.be/JRaBKR6EKow
